Five days ago, I received a letter.
A letter that I have been waiting for for such a long time that I thought has already been left forgotten.
It was a letter that our college professor made us write nine years ago as a requirement in Marriage and Family Life, a subject which consumes 3 out of 21 units of Theology requirement in Assumption College. I know... we have that many units in Theology...
Anyway, she made us write a letter to our future selves, which she promised to send us five years after graduation to remind us of who we were five years ago. I never forgot about this letter... And after not getting it over five years as she promised, I thought, oh well, it was probably just a joke.
Cut to November 26, 2012, when I visited my home, I saw in our mail tray a familiar handwriting addressed to myself. I could swear I held my breath for a minute because I was really shocked. Questions spinning in my head were - Is this it? Why just now? After seven years? So, with shaking hands and sweaty palms, I opened the envelope. Then there it was... two sheets of paper teared from a large-sized Blue Feather notebook with a handwriting of a person I once knew.
I immediately stopped myself from reading the contents right then and there because I wanted to share that moment with my husband because I remember vividly that I wrote something about him there. After two long nights, I finally got the chance to sit quietly beside him and told him about the letter, then I began reading...
OH MY GOD, this letter is truly heaven sent. I was almost in tears as I was reading the words from my past self. My professor couldn't have picked a better time, though two years late, to send me this letter. A LOT were #PatamaLines of what I am going through right now. I'm also sOooo amazed with how I write. Like, not bad... *with a self-satisfied smirk*
Here's the content of the letter and highlighted are my favorite parts.
October 5, 2003
To my Future Self,
Hi! I hope you still remember the exact moment you were writing this letter. You were wearing a pink Giordano shirt, pink rose earrings & denim shorts, sitting in front of a mirror. I'm writing you this letter because I want to remind you how you were five (5) years before and how you have grown to be the person I've always wanted to be. You're the kind of girl who always aim high and do whatever it takes to reach your dreams even how arduous they are. You are not afraid to take risks because as an economist, you believe in the saying, "Higher Risks, Higher Profits." You've always believed in yourself and believe that anything is possible as long as you put your mind on it. You take stress as challenges, mistakes as something to learn from, and failures as a motivation to even try harder. You're the kind of person who your friends look up to, that is why you want/ need to handle stress well because if you breakdown, everything else around you will breakdown as well, which you cannot afford to happen so you tend to keep yourself together as long as you can. Remember, though, that YOU'RE ONLY HUMAN! You know how to get tired & you have limits also. Never get deceived of your wonderful dreams that makes you live in the future most of the time, instead of living in the present, ceasing every moment and living life to the fullest as if its the last. It's nice dreaming what the future will still bring you but never forget that little girl inside you who just wants to play & enjoy life sometimes while she still can. Face your future one day at a time.
As you enjoy your life like I've always dreamed of, also remember who helped and supported you all the way - your Family. Remember how you've always cuddled in your dada's arms? How you hug your mimay so tight, telling her how much you love her? Your bonding moments with your sister, sharing secrets with each other? You could never have enough arguments with your brother but never get tired of understanding & loving him just the same.
Remember your friends? Tina, Denise, Portia, your High School friends, Aissa & your best friend, Diane? Try to check them out sometimes & see if you could have a get together.
So, did you and JM made it to the altar? I hope so, because right at this very moment, I can truly say that I love him! I love the way he tries to see me at least once a week, the way he surprises me with lil' gifts (I hope you still have the angel he gave me), the way his eyes shimmer when he stares at you looking amazed with your beauty, the way he just listens to your pathetic problems & yet give you the best advice, the way he understands when you keep on vacillating when it comes to making decisions, the way he waited for you, the way his eyes glitter & his smile reaches his ears when he's opening a gift you just gave him, the way he loves you just the way you are. And now, also remember how you learned to love & accept him just the way he is, with all his flaw & imperfections. I really hope you're together right now, lying in your wonderful dream bed, having 3-4 amazing kids, living in your dream house you've always wanted. Funny isn't it? Thinking that it was just like yesterday that you were just trying to get through College.
I hope you were able to reach all your dreams, your dream of going to Australia & work there for a while to save money & buy yourself your own house & your own car, flower farm/ shop for your mom, clothing factory with your own clothing line, a successful model & a photographer, travel the whole world, & being married to the most wonderful man in my life (next to my dad, of course) Mr. Jan Michael I. Garcia, & have a family of your own.
But if not, don't stop yourself from dreaming & keep on believing. You'll never know what really God has in store for you, maybe not now, but in the future yet to come.
Love,
Your Past Self "Z"
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| "How could I know who I am, if I don't know who I was?" - Jack Frost |
Are you blown away as I am?
First of all, thank goodness I did marry JM or it would have been awkward to read this with a different husband. LOL. Anyway, a lot of you may not know me that well but working for seven years now, I can say that I truly am a stress junkie - I just love the adrenaline-rush when I am loaded with too much to do and being in control of everything, which is now taking a toll on my health. I am also a control freak and a forward-thinker. Like, I always have a friggin' three-year life plan! Talk about controlling the future, right? Remember how the Clueless Mrs. started in the first place? This letter really opened my eyes and my heart in so many ways, I can't explain how, but it gave me some sort of direction on what I want to do next.
I may not have achieved all my dreams yet and I can't tell you about how the story of the Clueless Mrs. will evolve but I will get there soon and it's going to be exciting. You just wait and see...
To Ms. Cantada, my kind professor in Marriage and Family Life.
If you get to read this post, I want to apologize for taking your subject for granted before.
I was young and stupid and sorry if there's any chance I disrespected you in some way.
I did learn a LOT from you and thank you for sending me back this letter.
xoxo,
The Clueless Mrs.
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